STANDING UP TO BULLIES
One of my life long lessons has been ‘standing up to bullies’ They have come in all shapes and sizes, some physical abusive and others emotional bullies, others have smiled sweetly and called themselves friends, but nether the less ‘Bullies’. As a child I was told by my Mum to ignore them, but that didn’t work. I was called names, beaten up and picked on until one day I did fight back with my fists.
I didn’t win but I did feel better for giving it a go. To my Mum’s horror we had school photos the next day so even had the pictures. But I have to say it did stop and I was left alone. I started work and had a few more bullying issues, mainly through my naivety. Once they had me cleaning a table with a piece of cucumber, which they said was the best cleaner. I fell for it and as you can imagine it was highly amusing to all, except me, I was feeling humiliated.
Then as I get stronger I have to face my children being bullied, so had to stand up to teachers. Now even now I am facing workplace bullies. The lessons keep coming, but I keep learning. The greatest ally I have is that I keep learning about myself, what buttons they push and how to stay out of their game. The more I love myself the quicker I see their games and stop them in their tracks.
Types of Bullies
So I have been observing bullies for a while and I have seen quite a few different types over the years. The is just my ideas and I am sure you will have other types to add to the list
- Control Freak Bully – Has to have complete control over everything so you are my minion and will do what I say.
- Power Bully – I have something you want such as money, job so if you want it you will have take the crap and rudeness. I will of course not do it with people at the same level so I never get caught out.
- The Sweet Smile Bully – Smile sweetly as they kick your arse. These are the mose subtle as they seem all sweetness and light in words but you are feeling crappy and not sure why.
- Fisticuffs Bully – Usually these beasts are big and strong and like to use physical force to keep you inter place
- Intellectual bully – I am cleverer than you , but have no self awareness so will keep talking down to you.
This is not an exhaustive list and I am sure you have more to add!
Dealing with bullies
Every bully needs to be outed for what they are and not made excuses for. I know they have issues but they can work through them and change their behaviour too. This is only my personal opinion, but I have found that as soon as I look at which part of me is feeling the fear and what button they are pushing I can step out of it and find a way to deal with it.
That is not always easy and sometimes it has meant that I have to stand face to face and tell them how I am feeling and that I will not tolerate their behaviour. The less I live in fear and my self esteem grows the less they have any power over me. They only have power if I let them.
Weird how even now when I am 55 years old, a bully can turn my stomach to jelly and I feel the fear creeping through my whole body. At least I recognise that now and can do something about it. If you experience bullying remember it is ‘NOT YOU ITS THEM’.
Love and Light