Yes I Am Back!
Been a couple of months since my last blog. Life events have taken a lot of time to sort and left little time for ‘Creative me’. The new year brought new challenges for me and my loved ones, so I have been focusing on them rather than my blogging.
I have moved house, which has been an interesting experience. I started in a place of not wanting to move, it was my partner who did, to now loving the new house. My partner wanted to move to a place with a double garage to house his new car which is being built in Australia and his ever growing business.
Before I knew it the flat was on the market and people were knocking on the door to view, my partner had found the new house and an offer was made. I was still stuck in the ‘don’t want to move’ while all of this was going on.
As you can imagine ours was not a happy house! I was storming about, looking at houses but really not seeing them, while my partner had sorted out the new mortgage and had practically moved in. So this is where we were;
He had been thinking about moving for a while so he had gone through the process of working out the pro’s and cons. In his head he had said goodbye to the flat and moved before he had even had the conversation about it with me. He had seen the problem of where was he putting the car and come up with a solution.
I, on the other hand had not seen any of it coming, had seen myself living there indefinitely and was no where near where he is. So I had a lot of catching up and processing to do which meant there were lots of heated discussions!
Calming The Storm
So how did was I going to ride this storm? There was a part of me that wanted to dig my heels in and just refuse to move but being the queen of what do I need to learn form this I started to ask myself some probing questions? They were;
- How am I feeling about moving?
- What is my resistance to moving? Is it fear of new mortgage, the practical stuff etc etc…
- Am I really listening to my partners point of view?
- Am I being bullied or coerced and if I am how do I check that out?
- What are the benefits of moving for me and do they outweigh the negatives
- Lastly but not least is it fear of something going wrong and what is the worst that can happen?
The Storm Has Passed
By asking myself those questions and taking time ‘to be mindful’ I learnt some valuable lessons;
- When there is a storm it is doubly important to stay mindful and ‘become the observer’. Then you can detach yourself from all of the emotions and let them come and go. Once the emotions have calmed you can see what the issues are and make informed choices.
- Talking with my person about how you are feeling and where you are in this process helps you to see it from their point of view. It still don’t mean you are on the same page but at least you both know that!
- Listening is more important than ever when things are stormy. It is very easy when there are differing opinions to stop really listening, as you are preparing the counter argument. If you don’t know the other persons reasoning you can never find a Win Win situation.This is crucial to any negotiations!
- You can see what are your ‘perceived fears’ and what are real fears when you become the mindful observer
- When things are going to be changing, focus on the positives that the change will bring to your life new house.
And Finally ……..
Relationships are sent to teach us about ourselves and others. For me the big lesson in this was not losing sight of myself. I wanted it not to become a battle where there are ‘winners and losers’. In all good negotiations it s about finding the ‘Win Win’ for you both. Wars are created because both parties want to win. If one wants to win and the other wants to find a solution for both, then ‘peace ‘ has a chance.
There is more to tell about the saga of moving and the lessons kept coming! but that is a tale for another day
Love and Light